About a month ago I decided to homeschool Papaya. I gave notice at her Montessori preschool and prepared by joining groups, planning playdates and looking forward to more time with my daughter.
When alone though - I worried, a lot. Not about if I’d be able to “teach” her - we all know that children learn as readily as they breathe. I mean I’m no expert but I managed not to mess up the walking, talking, potty training and so forth, right? But the worry was more about taking her out of a school I think is doing a great job of child-led free play, a school that is hard to get into - was I letting it go to quickly?
I worried and I worried - even having a few alone crying moments (and a lot of mind racing stressing about it mid-driving places). Then I realized - I want Maya to get to continue to enjoy school for what a Montessori education is at this age - a daily four hour playdate. With a variety of children, great resources and long-term relationships that I was just not ready to steal her away from.I had made a mistake pulling her out and wanted to send her back for half days, she’d only been out of school for ONE school day….would there still be space? I realized this at six a.m. this morning and resisted walking across the street to the home of her Preschool Director (yes, she lives across the street) and instead left a message at her office.
She called back and said that they missed her (her friends were asking after her this a.m.) and would love to have her back. I dropped her off with some worry that I was “giving up” but a whole lot less stress than I had about taking her out altogether. What I need to do with this gift, the gift of realizing a mistake and being able to solve it, is get over the ideals I’ve set about being “crunchy enough” or the like and just enjoy being a Mom. When my princess is home in the afternoons - don’t get things “done” but rather hang out with HER, doing her things and enjoying who she is and our time together.
So there I go - making decisions, changing my mind, working it out - this parenting thing is so incredibly hard (emotionally) when each and every choice feels so very important and messing it up seems like the worst thing in the entire world. Let’s hope my kid makes it through her childhood with a minimum of scars (physical and emotional) and I do too. I may homeschool her once preschool has passed as many homeschooling families do - time will tell and I’ve got two years to make up my mind!
If you liked that post, then try these...
A Montessori Overview by Papaya Mom on July 14th, 2007
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On the journey by Papaya Mom on October 6th, 2008
Papaya and I are on our journey each day.
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I know this is an older post, but wanted to say ‘good for you!’ You tried something and it didn’t feel right, so you re-corrected. What more can a child ask for than a Mom who works this hard to get it right. If homeschooling is right for your family you will know at the time.
Good luck, Julie.