Inspired and Malcontent all in one evening.

Reading through poetry trying to find a nice quotation for my Christmas Card.  I was really happy to see the timelessness of this poem by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

I heard the bells on Christmas Day
Their old familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet
The words repeat
Of peace on earth, good will to men!

And thought how, as the day had come
The belfries of all Christendom
Had rolled along
The unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good will to men!

Till, ringing, singing on its way,
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime,
A chant sublime
Of peace on earth, good will to men!

Then from each black, accursed mouth
The cannon thundered in the South,
And with the sound
The carols drowned
Of peace on earth, good will to men!

It was as if an earthquake rent
The hearth-stones of a continent,
And made forlorn
The households born
Of peace on earth, good will to men!

And in despair I bowed my head;
“There is no peace on earth,” I said;
For hate is strong
And mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep.
“God is not dead, nor doth he sleep!
The wrong shall fail,
The right prevail,
With peace on earth, good will to men!

In this time the subjection of individual rights by popular vote is a sad reality, people are still spouting extremist views, hiding behind the veil of religion, or tradition or some other thing that makes them feel safe in their hypocritical hate speech.  To pick an easy one - tradition - our country was created on Christian values which although they have some obvious merit, also seemed perfectly comfortable with enslaving other humans.  So if we can legislate today based on the “Christian” understanding of our founding fathers then let’s get back to enslaving people of color, taking away the rights of women, oh…wait, it’s an obvious bad idea!

Through all this whirlwind of hate surrounding me,

I find myself comforted by reading Longfellow’s poem.

Remembering the fight for civil rights throughout history has never been fast or easy is a start.  Our children will someday look back and learn about these times in a history class and probably think of it as many of us remember facing racism - as the product of twisted politics by greedy people for starts.  Papaya will be able to tell her children that her Mother stood up for the side of the oppressed, spoke out against hypocritical religious extremists (and regular extremists too) and did all that she could.

Because even if you say;

both before the California Supreme Court case and after the passage of Prop 8, every adult Californian had the exact same right as every other, granted by legislative action — the right (if not imprisoned) to marry exactly one consenting unmarried person of the opposite sex who was of age and not too closely related. Just because gays and lesbians choose not to exercise that right doesn’t mean it is lost to them.

This commentary sounds a bit different in the mirror of race, which can be no more changed that someone’s sexual orientation.  You see - legislating people’s minds, hearts, and who they can love - it’s plain mean spirited and I can’t imagine that the God that many of us Christians (if you are wondering, I identify as Quaker) agree exists (although we all enjoy different interpretations of what books are holy, divinely inspired, etc.) is at all happy looking down on the actions that some of his followers engage in whilst willfully forgetting the ethic of reciprocity (Leviticus 19:18, Luke 3:61, and many more) which is one of two commandments given to Christians by Jesus.  Hello?

So let’s look at that quote again, with the mirror (read: editing in bold) of race:

both before the California Supreme Court case and after the passage of Prop 8, every adult Californian had the exact same right as every other, granted by legislative action — the right (if not imprisoned) to marry exactly one consenting unmarried person of the same race who was of age and not too closely related. Just because blacks who mix with whites choose not to exercise that right doesn’t mean it is lost to them.

And yes, taking away a right (marriage) IS different than these people just choosing not to marry someone they are not in a romantic loving relationship with.  How the heck would this guy, or the thousands of other people who voted for this illegal proposition, feel if our society mandated that he marry anther man.  Let’s not cop out with the whole “but it’s not that way” - let us really think about it!  What if the Mormon Legal Group (I’d call it a Church if they were acting like one, and in this area, they sure are not) had “won” and run the country as a whole and people were forced into plural marriage even if they were born with an innate need for monogamy?  Whoa!

The thing is - The United States Supreme Court spoke at length about this in Loving v. Virginia.  The California Supreme Court was the first to rid itself of the racist ban on interracial marriage with Perez v. Sharp with commentary that included “the right to marry is the right to join in marriage with the person of one’s choice.” 

I know without a shadow of a doubt that one day in the near future the civil right to civil marriage will not be marred by the lies of hate groups, not be misrepresented by those who feel their own unions are threatened by other healthy unions of consenting adults.  I know that before I leave this earth, my country will catch up with the rest of the world and provide civil rights to all of it’s citizens.  I am only disappointed it took this proposition in a State I no longer inhabit to wake me up to the long-term real problem of legal inequality for Gays, Lesbians, Bisexual and Transgendered Americans.  I wish I could say I was fighting for this, something I have always believed in, before it became a national issue - I wish I’d not let the grassroots work fall onto the oppressed on their own.  That will be my only regret.

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Joining by Papaya Mom on November 19th, 2008
As I prepare myself to participate in the ongoing battle for Civil Rights as they pertain to the GLBT community I've joined a few organizations.

Popularity: 64% [?]

Joining

As I prepare myself to participate in the ongoing battle for Civil Rights as they pertain to the GLBT community I’ve joined a few organizations.  I feel that doing my part I will be able to look Papaya in the eye and tell her that I stood on the side of what is right, and did not avert my eyes from injustice standing before me.

The Family Equality Coalition is dedicated to securing equal marriage rights for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people and their families in Hawaii.

Sign up as an activist with Family Equality Coalition Advocacy Center to be kept informed of the latest progress and to offer your opinion to decision makers on key issues.

Join the IMPACT is a group working on repealing Proposition 8 (and other anti-equality measures across this nation) which was the final moment when I realized that I had not done enough to prevent the passing of this bill.     Dedicated for full equality for all, I’ve found great organization through their message board on marches like the one I recently attended in Honolulu.  Right now we are all sending postcards to Obama’s transition team to keep him reminded that this civil rights issue is not to be ignored!

PFLAG hosts a program called “Straight for Equality” where we are encouraged to “Come Out (as a straight ally of GLBT eqality), Speak Up (with positive support of equality whenever the oppourtunity presents) and Join in (by signing the pledge and working towards equal rights).”

Anyone else find other groups that they find to be working well towards the (good) cause?

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Inspired and Malcontent all in one evening. by Papaya Mom on November 30th, 2008
Reading through poetry trying to find a nice quotation for my Christmas Card.

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Equality

At the time that Brown v. Board of Education, the majority opinion in America was that separate but equal (or, let’s be real, separate but unequal) was fine. Civil rights are not granted on the basis of majority opinion–the opinion of the majority does not negate the rights of a minority.

IMPACT_0019.JPG

The protests , like the one Papaya and I participated in today, themselves do not overturn the law (there are legal and legislative channels to pursue for that). Rather, the protests give visibility to the issue, and affirm that queer people and their families are human beings with the same rights as others. Civil rights organizers in the 60s didn’t call off marches and boycotts because the majority opinion was against them–they instead asserted their equality until unjust laws were changed. Eventually, “public opinion” caught up. I am confident that it will in this case as well.

“In a democratic society, majority rule must be coupled with guarantees of individual human rights that, in turn, serve to protect the rights of minorities–whether ethnic, religious, or political, or simply the losers in the debate over a piece of controversial legislation. The rights of minorities do not depend upon the goodwill of the majority and cannot be eliminated by majority vote. The rights of minorities are protected because democratic laws and institutions protect the rights of all citizens.”   from http://usinfo.state.gov

The idea that a Church that makes up less than 2% of the population of California managed to secure the majority of funding to pass this proposition angers me [1].  The thing is that for me, and many democracy loving Americans, the separation of Church and State is really important. It allows Churches to do all the silly things they like, and allows the government to function based on democracy rather than a variety of interpretations of morality.
Sisters

I’m not standing by, not while my government is being pushed around by the religious groups of one kind and another.  Not while civil marriage is not yet a civil right for all Americans.  Not while legal equality is not yet realized by all Americans, every single one.

On a more personal note, I read the list of supporters of Proposition 8 in my state.  I am so very sad to report that my daughter’s pediatrician donated $2000 towards this illegal discriminatory proposition in California and I can no longer spend my co-pay money at her business.  I’m on the hunt for a new Dr. for Papaya who believes that all humans are created equal and deserve equal rights.  While I’m at it - I won’t be spending another penny at  Watanabe Floral, American Granite (Kona), Ewa Point Realty, Hilton and Associates, Kalani Construction (Kauai), Tribute Masonry (Kamuela) and I certainly am shocked at the number of individual donors throughout our “Aloha State” (although I can’t say I’m surprised at the number of donors from Laie).

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Inspired and Malcontent all in one evening. by Papaya Mom on November 30th, 2008
Reading through poetry trying to find a nice quotation for my Christmas Card.

Think the Gelato she ate might have sugar? by Papaya Mom on March 3rd, 2008
They (mermaids) were hiding in the seaweed I remember that - when I was a dragon I could fly over the ocean.

Um, uh, please stop? by Papaya Mom on September 6th, 2007
Maybe it's that Papaya woke up last night crying and proceeded to spend a few hours throwing up every twenty minutes or so, but today I'm a bit cranky.

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On the journey

Papaya and I are on our journey each day.  Some days she wakes me with the sun and I drag every muscle in my body to crawl to the toaster and make waffles.  Some mornings I get really excited for her to wake up and start the day.

She’s loving Montessori Preschool and has quite a crush on a roatating list of little boys and a few girls.  It is so funny to hear her tell of her day and how “Hanna and I wanted to play with the same job, so we made a choice to share.”  How cool is that?

It’s starting to get busy here.  Adventure Dad is off on his new submarine and won’t be home for a few more months.  So we are into our “groove” of staying busy - weekly playdates, meeting and getting to know the “boat wives” and the Holidays!  I’ve already ordered a bunch of Christmas gifts.  I am planning to attend a wedding, a Military spouse conference and a few other social events this month.

I feel like the busiest woman on the block and it’s nice, being so social I’m much more fulfilled at the end of the day when we’ve interacted with a variety of people.  So far, Papaya seems to react the same way.  Thank goodness she’s as social as I am!

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Like a fish out of water by Papaya Mom on October 13th, 2007
It's how I felt - without internet (on MY beloved Macintosh computer - I had access via my 'rents PC but PCs hate me and it's just not the same) for what I think may have been an eternity but Adventure Dad assures me was only a few weeks.

"Don't be sad" by Papaya Mom on January 4th, 2008
the Papaya said to me, sweeping away the tears as they ran down my face.

Laughing is not appropriate by Papaya Mom on October 15th, 2007
when you are a children's librarian in a town that sits next to a military base, on an island with many military bases and a mother asks you about children's books on deployment.

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Broken and Hot

So the sprained shoulder?  Turns out it is a broken collarbone.

Her busy little immune system?  So busy fixing broken bone it forgot to fight off the cold going around preschool - yep 102 degree fever.

Fun times at Chez Papaya.

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Weekend Warriors by Papaya Mom on September 9th, 2007
Against the dreaded stomach flu Papaya Mom and Adventure Dad fought.

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Ricki Lake by Papaya Mom on June 29th, 2007
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So happy by Papaya Mom on June 2nd, 2007
I really think someone should have sent me this eCard in the last week, because I've been so much nicer to be around.

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Nightime Woes

After her first friend sleepover (luckily with other children’s parent in the home as well) Papaya ended up quite uncomfortable. Why you ask? She fell out of bed.

Now, we’ll not go into the fact that in her short lifetime this has happened a few times because it really is normal I think. The thing is - this night it was all bad luck. The bottom half of her body hit the friend’s mattress on the floor so her entire body weight hit the ground (tile in her new bedroom, damn design flaw) on her right shoulder. Before when she’d fallen out of bed I’d pick her up, cuddle her and she’d fall back asleep in minutes. Not this time - she was still wincing in pain thirty minutes later and telling me her shoulder hurt.

We loaded up and drove to the ER. She was more worried that they might notice the splinter in her hand and try to take it out (bad last visit to her Pediatrition with a handful of splinters from Tutu and Bumpa’s gate) then her shoulder. A few X-Rays later she had a new sling, a bit of motrin in her and advice to rest her sprained shoulder and ligament. To my single girlfriends - there is one HOT ER Doctor on the overnight shift at Castle, in case of course you are in need of services provided. Papaya invited him home for cupcakes but alas I’m very happily married, so the poor guy had to go without, cupcakes.

At first she could not raise her arm or rotate it above 8 o’clock. Forty eight hours later she has almost full range of motion back without any medication and we only occasionally bump it in a way that hurts. She’s even going back to school tomorrow after a week long vacation - she is VERY excited to see her play friends again.

Me? I’ll just get back to unpacking…..so goes the life of a military wife. I’ll also pray that Papaya’s bad luck streak ends - in the time Adventure Dad has been out to sea she has stepped on a tack (in our yard?), had the shoulder injury, and then was in our new hammock chair when the O ring in the tree fell and she/her friends all crumpled down. I am SO ready for another parent and a wind of good luck to come back to our town!

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The new Season of Workout is on tonight!!!! I'm LOVING it.

Ricki Lake by Papaya Mom on June 29th, 2007
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A good start to our week.... by Papaya Mom on April 5th, 2005
Papaya's appointment with Dr.

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Changing Tides

About a month ago I decided to homeschool Papaya.  I gave notice at her Montessori preschool and prepared by joining groups, planning playdates and looking forward to more time with my daughter.

When alone though - I worried, a lot.  Not about if I’d be able to “teach” her - we all know that children learn as readily as they breathe. I mean I’m no expert but I managed not to mess up the walking, talking, potty training and so forth, right?  But the worry was more about taking her out of a school I think is doing a great job of child-led free play, a school that is hard to get into - was I letting it go to quickly?

I worried and I worried - even having a few alone crying moments (and a lot of mind racing stressing about it mid-driving places).  Then I realized - I want Maya to get to continue to enjoy school for what a Montessori education is at this age - a daily four hour playdate.  With a variety of children, great resources and long-term relationships that I was just not ready to steal her away from.I had made a mistake pulling her out and wanted to send her back for half days, she’d only been out of school for ONE school day….would there still be space?   I realized this at six a.m. this morning and resisted walking across the street to the home of her Preschool Director (yes, she lives across the street) and instead left a message at her office.

She called back and said that they missed her (her friends were asking after her this a.m.) and would love to have her back.  I dropped her off with some worry that I was “giving up” but a whole lot less stress than I had about taking her out altogether.  What I need to do with this gift, the gift of realizing a mistake and being able to solve it, is get over the ideals I’ve set about being “crunchy enough” or the like and just enjoy being a Mom.  When my princess is home in the afternoons - don’t get things “done” but rather hang out with HER, doing her things and enjoying who she is and our time together.

So there I go - making decisions, changing my mind, working it out - this parenting thing is so incredibly hard (emotionally) when each and every choice feels so very important and messing it up seems like the worst thing in the entire world.  Let’s hope my kid makes it through her childhood with a minimum of scars (physical and emotional) and I do too.   I may homeschool her once preschool has passed as many homeschooling families do - time will tell and I’ve got two years to make up my mind!

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How to deploy, three year old style.

Early mornings are rough, especially when your Mother who let you stay up late talking to your Daddy comes in and rubs your back at 5:30 a.m.  Those sweet calming words, they really just make a girl want to pee.  What to do?  Start the day off right - wet that bed.  Then you can  have a quickie bath to extend the time before you have to help Mama drive Daddy to work.  Note the slight stress around the house as Daddy and Mommy pack up the car and get you dressed - realize this is your big chance, ask your Father for a “green cookie” (Mint Oreo) for breakfast - and get it (Mom notes to herself that you’ll need a really good tooth brushing when we get home).

Hop into your car with the Daddy you love and take him to work on his submarine.  He’s going under the water today so you need to give him kisses, warn him to watch out for Dragons (ever important when you are a princess to stay on top of the Dragon threat level) and say goodbye.  Mommy will usually take you out to breakfast and today it’s Koa Pancake House where you should first eat your own pancake, then all the whipped cream off your (part time) vegan Mother’s waffle (feel free to roll your eyes, I’m recovering from the UK where vegan might be a swear word).  Then it’s off to the park - a 7 a.m. on a Saturday morning - you may find yourself a bit surprised but there will be not another soul there for hours.  Why?  Because real people sleep, right now you and your Mother are human zombies on a warm morning in paradise.  Proceed to play for two glorious hours until your sweet little body is so tired from the early wakeup that all you want is to go home and crawl back into your own little bed.  This is when your Mother will point at the ocean in front of you (actually the mouth of Pearl Harbor which you ware watching from the Hickam Waterfront Park) and show you the Submarine slipping out to sea.  It will blow it’s horn as it rounds Hospital Point, feel free to humor your Mother and believe her when she tells you that your Daddy did that just for you.  When you squint at the tiny men atop the sail, humor her again and believe one of them is Daddy.

Beg to go home, and fall asleep in your Mothers arms as she walks you the 200 feet back to the car (after a potty break, thank goodness).  Feel the lull of the Prius as it drives you back home, cuddle into your Mother’s bed and take a nap with her for a good three hours.  Now, at 1 p.m., your day can begin.

This is how to start a (short) deployment, three year old style.

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From a friend's post.

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Teething.

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Sorry guys, I've got to tell someone.

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Too Long

It’s been a bit too long since I updated and I appreciate if I’ve got any readers out there these days.

What gives?

To start - single parenthood is rough work and the three year old stuff makes it ever so fun.  The tantrums - some days we have none and some days she melts to a screaming pile on the floor when I have the audacity not to read her mind.  It must be really hard to be inside her head - it seems like she’s got PMS mood swings on speed - and I’m like the husband who rolls his eyes at it all.

Living in Hawaii?  Awesome?  Adventure Dad getting Navy orders to a boat here, so that we can say?  Priceless.  But now I must find a house other than my parents in which to live, and make a whole new list of priorities (school?  learning to surf?  Navy wife stuff?) and follow through.
I think instead I’ll go on vacation to the UK to see Adventure Dad then spend a month on the East Coast.  Then, I’ll think about it.

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Like a fish out of water by Papaya Mom on October 13th, 2007
It's how I felt - without internet (on MY beloved Macintosh computer - I had access via my 'rents PC but PCs hate me and it's just not the same) for what I think may have been an eternity but Adventure Dad assures me was only a few weeks.

Prius Love by Papaya Mom on August 5th, 2007
We've made the leap, in our minds of course, to purchase our next vehicle.

The perfect first day by Papaya Mom on September 24th, 2007
It may have not been the perfect first day home, but it came as close as humanly possible.

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Wordless Wednesday

Stunning and Serious

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I met him and I almost swooned. by Papaya Mom on January 5th, 2007
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House guests by Papaya Mom on July 5th, 2007
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Messy Three by Papaya Mom on January 20th, 2008
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Sand in my toes, coffee in my hair. by Papaya Mom on December 6th, 2006
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Loooooong Weekend! by Papaya Mom on April 18th, 2005
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